I Waited Until Marriage for Sex. Here’s What No One Tells You.

I thought I knew what to expect on my wedding night. It turns out, no one talks about what actually happens.

Let’s just clear the air here: Purity culture was a complete and utter failure. Acting like sex was some big, scary monster in the closet and that we must never ever open said closet door out of fear and revulsion was a mistake. It was worse than a mistake, it was a puritanical lie. And as lies go, it had damaging consequences.

The last “sex talk” I can remember having was probably that one in middle school when everyone was subjected to the infamous, hilariously horrible demonstration of a Barbie and Ken doll smothered in black Velcro, dating, having sex (at this point, Barbie and Ken were smooshed together), and breaking up (Ken and Barbie were then dramatically ripped apart and that quintessentially satisfying Velcro noise echoed throughout the school library). I think there was also something about likening female virginity to pretty wrapping paper on a present and pointing out that after it’s picked at, it’s not pretty anymore. But either way, it was definitely overshadowed by Ken and Barbie, and it all definitely missed its mark, as crude and puritanical things often do.

So what actually happens when you wait until marriage to give away your virginity? Should you even wait? (The answer is yes, just probably not for the reasons you’re expecting). And is it worth it? Well, as someone who waited and has been married for almost 10 years now, I consider myself something of an expert in this field, and I’m here to share my own experience, as well as what science, sociology, and psychology have to say about it.